Party Time!
by SunshineStorm
Summary: Zelda has a dream that her enemies (wait, what enemies!) have a plan to destroy her. Her plan to keep this from happening? Trap everyone who might turn against her. How can she do this? The solution is simple: Throw a party!
1. Invites

_**Party Time!**_

**Disclaimer:** I just had fun twisting the characters to fit with this story, so I don't own anything. Well, actually, I did create Zelda's unnamed attendant, but that's it. And I claim the limes; I don't yet know what to do with them, but they are mine.

NOTE: This is just for fun, so please don't expect the characters to act like they would be expected to act.

I am not partial to any pairing; the pairings in this were randomly selected for random hilarity.

_Explanations_: I couldn't find a good place to include this so I'm explaining it here. Zelda has a new attendant that is in no way up to the standards of Impa. Impa retired to pursue her hobby. Zelda was upset at first but thought Impa deserved what she wanted. And Zelda had fun finding and training a new attendant.

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Invites

~~Hyrule Castle, Zelda's royal room~~

Zelda's eyes popped open. No, I mean they _really_ popped open. Seriously, it looked like she had bug eyes. But anyway, she sat up from the weird position she was lying in—sprawled across her whole bed with one leg behind her head—and waited for her vision to stop spinning.

When it finally stopped, Zelda took a swig of whatever liquid was in the cup on the small, round table next to her bed and squinted into the darkness trying to remember what had frightened her so badly. She shivered as she remembered. She'd seen an army of Poes and munchkins riding unicorns come at the castle from the direction of Gerudo Valley. They came from beyond the desert and there were so many of them that they covered Hyrule Field.

There was something else in the nightmare that scared her almost as much as the Poes and munchkins. It was that she recognized the people standing allied with her enemies. These people included Link and Navi, a few of the sages and some other people.

Zelda got out of bed, quite awkwardly, in fact, since both of her legs kept getting stuck in odd places. She finally managed and started to pace in circles around her round room.

If those people were traitors, she'd have to do something about them. But it was just a dream, so they weren't actually traitors, right? Well, not traitors YET. But they could turn on her…She had to do something. Hmmm, what to do? Maybe she could gather them all in one place and make sure they were still her friends. Zelda tripped on the rug in the center of her room, caught herself like a ninja, and kept pacing and thinking. How to keep them her friends? She could _keep_ _them all in one place_! If they were near her, Zelda would be able to tell if her friends started to feel bored from being on the side of what was right (in other words, her side). How could she get them all there, though? A party! She would throw a party, but her true intentions would be to get them all in Hyrule Castle Town and trap them there until she was sure they would always be loyal to her. _Always loyal._ She liked this idea. She could make it a real party, too, with games and stuff.

She got suddenly very excited. She ran at super speed to her attendant's room and woke him up by throwing a lime at him.

She didn't wait for him to wake up fully before giving him her orders, "Get me the royal invitations!"

"Yes, Your Highness. Would you like the ornate ones or the ones with the monkeys on them or the revenge ones?" the attendant rubbed his eyes sleepily, wishing his princess had waited until his soothing dream about bubble baths had finished.

"Oooh, the reven- No!" she threw another lime at her attendant (where was she getting these limes?), "Just the ornate! I want to invite people to a party not lure them to their deaths…for now…" Zelda mumbled the last two words under her breath.

Zelda turned to leave the duck-themed room, "And do something about the lime trees that keep popping up everywhere! I am sick of the green!"

Zelda's attendant stared after his charge in puzzlement as to the meaning of that last statement.

~~Kokiri Forest~~

Navi bolted up out of the pile of leaves that were in the middle of Link's house, holding two envelopes in her tiny hands. Recently the fairy liked being by herself in dark places. Last year's disastrous Christmas party had brought to her attention that she was not very well-liked. It wasn't so bad that Ruto had accidently put Navi on top of the tree because the fairy apparently looked like the angel used to top the tree; Navi understood that Ruto couldn't help that she had poor eye-sight. No, the bad part had been that every single person had cheered when she'd been put up there. Navi could hear them talking about how nice it was that she was stuck in the tree and unable to talk while she was up there. It had hurt Navi deeply and since that day, she'd come to hate high, exposed places.

But now, back to present day. It was lucky Navi had been hiding in the pile. Otherwise the green envelopes that easily blended with the leaves never would have been found. This was because recently Link only noticed anything to do with leaves. And the green envelopes didn't look enough like leaves to capture his notice.

Navi gave Link the one addressed to him. This is what it looked like:

Zelda loves you!

This invitation invites you to be in Hyrule Castle Town at XX:XX A.M. on XX/XX/XX.

Princess Zelda is hosting a party and invites you to be there especially! To truly make this experience exclusive, all people not invited will be in another part of Hyrule.

Please bring this invitation to the guards when you come.

Hoping to see you there,

Love you all,

XOXOXO,

Your Princess,

Zelda

He looked the paper over and decided to go because he wanted to visit the lime trees in the castle gardens.

Navi also decided to go because she figured that she would be able to hide in the lime trees in the castle gardens.

~~Temple of Time~~

Zelda slapped her hands down on the big table with a SMACK, disrupting the banter of the other sages. They all gave her their attention.

"I am hosting a party to be held in the castle town and I expect you all to come." Various protests arose from this cocky statement. Ruto and Impa were the only ones who immediately agreed to go.

"I have a poker game with some nice spirits planned," Rauru said.

"It's laundry day," announced Nabooru.

"I promised my son we'd go search for inter-dimensional vortexes," was Darunia's excuse.

Saria said nothing; she just stared at Zelda through narrowed eyes.

"There will be alcohol and a variety of nuts," Zelda informed the group. Everyone was enthusiastic about going to the party after that. They all liked the alcohol, except Saria. She just wanted the nuts.

Zelda stood smugly at the head of the table with her arms folded across her chest as she watched her fellow sages talk about booze.

~~Lon Lon Ranch~~

Malon's frustrated shriek was confined to the ranch, since the scars she had reminded her that her neighbors did not appreciate her constant shrieks and had been less than kind when they'd warned her for the 73rd time to keep her voice down.

Zelda's servants had just left with tons of milk and other supplies that were for the party. The servants were loud gossips and Malon easily heard them talking about Zelda's random scheme.

How dare Zelda not invite her! Malon believed she'd been so good to Zelda, but apparently Zelda didn't think so. Malon decided never to allow Zelda to use her as a human shield ever again.

She would definitely find a way to crash the party!

~~Kokiri Forest~~

The now black-haired Mido stared blankly at the ornate paper. He was trying to find out ways he could use it to end his life before the date on it.

He figured, if he gave himself a bad enough paper cut, he could bleed to death.

A picture of Zelda flashed into his head. Drool dripped down his chin. He would go if the bleeding to death by paper cut idea didn't pan out.

~~Gerudo Valley~~

Kae Gae twitched as he searched for his special treat, perched on a rock in the desert. His head moved oddly in a jerky manner as he looked around, but he didn't see what he wanted.

He took off. After a few minutes, he saw a caravan of wagons heading for the castle and followed it in the hopes he could find what he wanted.

~~Hyrule Castle~~

Zelda was on top of her tower, walking on the raised ledge that circled the tower. She really hated being up there. Yet, it was her favorite place to think. This probably had something to do with the roundness (it was just so round!) and how much she hated it, like the hate helped her think better or something. Ah, well, she'd contemplate that later. She wobbled, jumped up, did five flips and landed on one knee in the center of the tower.

She rubbed her hands together as she said, "Excellent! Everyone is expected to come. Attendant! Begin the preparations!"

Another reason Zelda actually sort of, kinda liked the tower was for the stair railing she'd had installed. She expertly slid down the spiral rail.

Then she ran off to her planning room where she had a long table set up and her plans spread across it.

She knew her preparations would rile up the guys in the dungeon, so she had an idea on how to keep them busy.

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_Note: _I hope you enjoyed this and I ask you to have patience and to help make my writing better so criticism, corrections, and comments are greatly appreciated.

Please review and let me know how this is and how you like it.

Thank you so much!


	2. Arriving

**Disclaimer:** I just had fun twisting the characters to fit with this story, so I don't own anything. Well, actually, I did create Zelda's unnamed attendant, but that's it. And I claim the limes; I don't yet know what to do with them, but they are mine.

NOTE: I have in no way forgotten about this story. Nor do I intend to let it go unfinished. It may take a while, but I will eventually finish it. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Arriving

~~Hyrule Castle Town~~

Zelda hopped excitedly up the stairs leading onto the platform above the Bombchu Bowling Alley. The town was deserted but for her guests and a few exceptions not worth mentioning. She'd sent all the townspeople to Kakariko Village for now, with compensation of course. They wouldn't even have the chance to realize they'd been duped. After the gas (they were all knocked out to make relocating them easier) wore off, the only way they'd notice would be if they talked to someone outside the village or if they checked a calendar. But the calendar thing was very unlikely since Zelda had all the calendars in the land thrown into the dungeons. And the talking to someone outside the village was also unlikely since they would all be locked in the village until someone found the key to unlock the newly put up gate around the village. Really, the villagers should be glad for the new gate to keep out unwanted creatures because the old one had been dissolved by lime juice.

An hour earlier all of Zelda's guests had arrived with the drawbridge clanging shut forebodingly behind the last one. They were now gathered in the square around the fountain. Zelda was about to address the group.

~~Saria~~

After seeing all the guards on the walls and the atmosphere in the town, Saria realized that the bad feeling in her stomach had been a premonition about the day and was not the fault of her digestive track.

Saria shrugged and wandered off to look for Zelda to get her nuts.

~~Navi~~

Navi was under water in the fountain. She thought this was a great hiding spot from all the people in the square. The only problem was that she didn't think she could hold her breath for too long.

Zelda started giving a speech but she couldn't hear it due to being under water. She did hear these words though: "cry, nuts, splits, hurt, boobs (or maybe it was booze?), peanut butter and fun."

~~Ruto~~

Zelda finished talking and walked away. Ruto blinked and wandered toward the walls. She walked along them until she noticed a blurry green shape in front of her. To her, it looked like Link but to everyone else, it looked like a lime tree. She asked him/it where Zelda went but there was no response.

~~Mido~~

As Zelda spoke, Mido hung on her every word, breath, movement, and so on.

He kept thinking: _She's so beautiful. I wonder if she'd like me. Wouldn't it be great if we could be a couple? What are all these lime trees around here for? I wonder if death by lime is possible. Would Zelda care if I died? _Zelda sneezed violently in a way that her face scrunched up in a funny way. _*Sigh* She's amazing at everything she does. Even her sneezes and pimples are perfect and cute. She's too good for me._

It was times like this that made him a bit glad to be cursed. If he was a normal Kokiri, he would be unable to age and Zelda would never ever pay attention to a little kid. Since he'd been cursed to age by witches he'd aggravated, that was not a problem anymore. He was still having trouble adjusting, even knowing the benefits of the curse. When he and the rest of the Kokiri started to notice he was becoming different, he was shunned. This hurt Mido deeply. He became suicidal and started obsessing over the color black.

~~Malon~~

Malon popped the lid off of the barrel she hid in and stumbled out drunkenly. She hadn't realized that the motion of being in a barrel lying on its side on a moving wagon would make her feel nauseous.

She continued to stumble around before plopping down on the stones. Her head spun too much for her to tell where she was. All she knew was that there was no sun out.

~~Soon-to-be-drunk Sages~~

Rauru, Darunia, Impa, and Nabooru stood huddled in a group together still talking about all the booze they would drink.

As soon as they saw the sign saying "alcohol this way" pointing in the direction of the castle, they immediately started to go that way.

The path turned into a maze. The four got separated. Nabooru and Impa went the wrong way and fell into a pit with dodongos, Rauru walked into quicksand, and Darunia made it to the alcohol with no trouble.

They all eventually reached the room feeling varying degrees of annoyed. Not one of them noticed the door lock behind them; they were so preoccupied in getting something to drink. They were so distracted and then drunk that they forgot to wonder why such a maze would be in the castle.

~~Dungeon~~

Many of the bad guys that Link had defeated in Hyrule were thrown into the castle's dungeon so when Zelda made a commotion in planning her party, they noticed. They especially couldn't ignore the evidence when a ton of calendars were tossed into their humungous prison.

They stopped arguing over the best theory to explain the commotion when they heard Zelda address her guests.

None of them had guessed she was throwing a party. The most ridiculous theory belonged to King Dodongo who thought Zelda was planning to make an announcement that she was going to leave Hyrule Castle and become a monk (this theory led into a bet on how stupid the princess would look with a bald head, followed by an argument about how they would determine a rating scale for how stupid a person looked). The closest theory was Morpha's, which was that Zelda was going to eat the people.

~~Kaepora Gaebora (or Kae Gae for short)~~

Kae Gae's left wing went stiff when he was flying over a storage room.

He was so heavy that he crashed through the roof and landed on something that made a squeaking noise.

Malon struggled to get away from the owl. It got off of her. She sat up out of breath. Then she fainted.

Kae Gae got up and waddled out. There was a suspicious rattling noise that happened every time the owl put a foot down.

When Malon woke up, she would realize the truth about the owl that fell on her.

~~Link~~

Ever since he'd spotted Saria, Link's eyes followed her. As she began to walk away, Link walked after her.

He continued after her until she went into the ladies' room. Then he saw a patch of grass and went to roll in it.

~~Navi~~

Gasping for breath, Navi abandoned her watery spot for a more oxygen-filled one. She decided to head for the moat outside the castle, maybe that water had more oxygen in it…

She flew towards the drawbridge to leave. It was closed. Navi contemplated flying over the wall, but realized that that would make her too visible to anyone in the area. So she decided to go up to the castle and access the moat from there.

Once she got there, she noticed the abundance of lime trees. She was distracted and decided to hide in one of the trees where she would have access to food if she got hungry.

~~Zelda~~

Zelda pranced down the castle halls to her planning room. She had to come up with a seating chart for dinner.

But before that, she changed into her ninja costume and started sneaking around in the secret passages.

She accidentally observed some things. She noticed Ruto talking to a lime tree and concluded her eyes must have gotten worse from the time she ate mud, thinking it was pudding. She also saw that Link was following Saria. And she saw Malon. Zelda rolled her eyes and finally went to go plan her seating chart with Malon included.

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_Note: _Please review!

Thank you!


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